Playing Until The Last Second: A Defining Characteristic of Manchester United

After Kiko Macheda made his debut in April this year at Old Traffor and grabbed a 93rd minute winner against the Villians, I didn’t foresee something as dramatic as this happening for a while. And how about the numbers of goals we’ve been getting lately (without Ronaldo)? 3 against Tottenham and 4 against Manchester Shitty – and these are not the worst teams in the league either. Rooney has been an absolute predator, grabbing 6 goals in 6 games this season so far. But, in spite of his finishing, I still think that Rooney needs to play in a deeper (although still central) role. Rooney likes to play - he doesn’t like to stand up front on his own, with his hands on his hips and wait for the ball. He wants to win that ball and is undoubtedly the most unselfish player that we have. He likes to create as much as he likes to score. So why not allow him to play that role? Rooney has the potential to be a Zinedine Zidane or a Paul Scholes (in his prime), but one who scores far more goals then either of those legends ever did. So far in his United career has been utilised as a striker, a forward, a left winger, a right midfielder and once even as a goalie. So why not try him as an attacking midfielder? Scholes is aging, Anderson is still growing up, and I feel that Rooney needs to be tried out as a playmaker who can orchestrate our play. At the very least, please Sir Alex, play him in a supporting forward role. When Rooney plays as a striker, he delivers the goals, but loses the opportunities to create. He himself at times seems uncomfortable in that position, dropping back or to the left wing in an attempt to win the ball. Unfortunately once he does, we no longer have a player waiting in the box.
As much as Rooney has impressed this season, Berbatov has disappointed. Unfortunately the man simply does not have a goal-scoring touch. Three clear headers in one game and not a single goal. And all that while our work-horse Fletcher gets two chances and puts both away. Admittedly, Berba was unlucky, especially with the last header, which was miraculously saved by Given, but to me he is still not United quality. Yes, he does have a brilliant first touch, yes, he can produce a moment of magic. But while a player like Ronaldo can produce a moment like that in every game, Berbatov rations his moments out during very long periods of time. Goal scorers are born and not made. Berbatov has never been a prolific goal scorer and he never will be.
Talking about natural goal scorers… roll out the red carpet and bring on our new number 7 - Michael Owen! When he came on as a substitute, I told my mate “Watch him score the winner and become an instant Old Trafford favorite.” And he did! Scoring the winner in the 96th minute of a thriller, getting us the three points and showing everyone that there is only one team in Manchester that is capable of a performance like that. Going back to my earlier point about Rooney being utilised in a deeper role – if Michael Owen can keep scoring and stay injury free, I really hope that the two will form our new striking partnership. Owen up front and Rooney just behind him. Unfortunately, Sir Alex has recently said that he wants to use Berbatov and Rooney as the main striking duo, with Owen merely used as an impact substitute. However, if Owen keeps scoring and Berbatov missing, he might just reconsider.

I think that two other players deserve special attention after Sunday’s game: Foster and Fletcher. The former has been disappointing this season to say the least - apart from his brilliant fingertip save against Tottenham that is). Clearly nervous, indecisive when coming out for crosses, making positioning errors – is that the successor to van der Sar? Maybe, we never know. Foster clearly has talent, but after 7 games (including the Community Shield) I would have thought that he would get over his debut jitters. I really find it worrying that the man who is supposed to be our next ‘keeper makes errors like that. Kuzshchak inspired far more confidence. The tall Polish dude is an excellent second keeper – he will never be your number one, but when called on he gets the job done. Sure, he had come blunders, but never as bad as Foster’s and overall he has been a reliable goalkeeper that helped us out when van der Sar wasn’t able to play. Maybe the rumours linking us with CSKA’s Igor Akinfeev are surfacing for a reason?
Finally, Darren Fletcher. What a player! Beginning his United career in the same season as Ronaldo, he was the United player that fans love to hate. Geeky, unconfident, slow and losing the ball more often than winning it, Fletcher was simply terrible. Conspiracy theorists even speculated that Sir Alex only plays him because he is also Scottish. Fletcher first truly impressed me in our 7-1 thrashing of Roma in the quarter-finals of the Champions League a few seasons back. I then realised that his true talent is being able to take the ball away from the opponent. However, for a while still that was his only true talent – I felt that even though Fletch was good defensively, he was absolutely useless going forward. His shooting wasn’t up to standard and his passing was mediocre at best. Fast forward to an assist to Rooney two weeks ago and 2 goals this weekend - Fletcher is now an automatic pick for central midfield. However, he needs to work hard, as soon my personal favorite Owen Hargreaves should be back from a year-long absence and I’m not sure that Sir Alex would play them together.
Overall, apart from blunders by Foster and Ferdinand and an indifferent performance from Park, everyone was pretty much amazing. Can’t wait for this Wednesday (league cup game against Wolves) – hopefully we’ll see action from Macheda, Welbeck, Gibson, Fabio and De Laet. Final thought – how many other teams out there fight until the last second and (often!) score when no one expects them to? We will forever be THE team that scored 2 goals in the injury time of a Champions League final to lift the trophy, and games like these serve as a reminder that it wasn’t just luck.

I've Never Been So Worried After A Manchester United Win

Game over, we've beaten the gunners by two goals to one and yet I'm more worried than I was before the game. We missed the creative spark, looked shaky across the back, stuffed up all our counter-attacks and missed three clear cut chances. And we were lucky. The penalty decision was harsh to say the least, considering that the ball was going into the stands, and own goals like that usually happen in a hungover Sunday afternoon game between 40-something sad and overweight guys. Fletcher was our best midfielder, but for all his destructive talents and hard work, he is absolutely useless going forward. Evra provided more threat down the left than Nani, Carrick showed exactly why Sir Alex left him out of two games this season and Valencia simply struggled. Oh yeah, and lazy pig Berbatov once again proved what a useless flop and a waste of money he is. Apart from Fletcher and Evra, the third bright spot was Rooney. 4 goals in 4 games for the young England forward so far this season. However, I still feel that Rooney is not being used in his best position. He needs to play behind a power forward, which would allow him to take on a playmaker role. Had we bought Benzema during the summer, that' how he would have been utilised. All credit goes to him for stepping up and confidently taking that penalty. Just wish he would have also done that against Burnley. Suppose it could have been a blessing in disguise - imagine if Carrick had missed today? However, the problem remains that after losing two creative players, who could change a game on their own, we failed to adequately substitute them. We won't always be as lucky as we were today, and players like Nani, Anderson and hopefully Macheda, will have to start stepping up sooner rather than later, if we want to retain the title.

Exercise bike dildo machine + Gay baby + Scooter soundtrack = The second great Austrian the world turned against in this century

Vassap! I just went to see Bruno. And I laughed so hard I cried. But it's still not as good as Borat. Waaaaaay more obscene though. Here's a review that will tell you why, without any major spoilers.

After seeing the trailer I was counting days till Bruno. The “Ve ag jast laik ze Zeks in ze Ceetee gihls” and “I svapped it foh an ipod” lines came up in my mind and made me grin at all the inappropriate times. So I made sure to book tickets way ahead because I was expecting that the film will be sold out.
To my surprise, the movie was showing in Brooklyn Cinema 9 – the one that usually shows kiddies films during morning hours, after they've been on the circuit for a few months. Furthermore, the theater was only about half full (or empty if you want to be difficult). Is the South African society so conservative that they won't watch a movie about a gay Austrian reporter that promises full frontal nudity? That doesn't make much sense after the success of Borat.

Social commentary aside, Bruno follows a formula and structure almost identical to Borat. Both Bruno and Borat leave their country to go to the US, they both have sidekicks, story arc of both films peaks in a sad moment when the protagonist is alone and being rained on, and finally happy ending. So in a way, it's basically Borat with a different skin and different catchphrases. Since Borat was a fresh and innovative idea, it scored top points for originality. But what Bruno loses out in originality it completely makes up in obscenity. You thought that the naked 69ing by Borat and Azamat Bagatov was sick? Um, compared to Bruno that was pretty innocent. One review said that the movie can be described by two words – ass bleaching. Once again, that's PG13 stuff compared to what you will see on screen. There were moments when everyone in the movie theatre was too shocked by what was happening on screen to react, unless you count sitting with your mouth open as a reaction. Not me though, I was going hyserical.

One of the criticisms of Bruno so far is that the set pieces are much more set-up than in Borat. It certainly seems that way but it is not a failing. Bruno did have a much higher budget and the director (Curb Your Enthusiasm's Larry Charles) and the crew had much more possibilities this time around. Bruno is certainly more 'real' than many of the reality shows you see on MTV and the E!News Channel. However, many will miss the film's important points (I really dare not say 'message' and dismiss it due to its crude (very crude) humor. Sascha Baron Cohen has a lot of fun on camera. In one of the film's strongest scenes he manages to get a quasi-celebrity to talk about her humanitarian aspirations while using another human being as a sitting stool. That scene was real – the quasi-celebrity even complained about it on one of the late night talk shows. Borat was once again much stronger in this aspect – it had countless moments like these. Sascha Baron Cohen is not Michael Moore when it comes to bringing out the worst of humanity on camera. But there are times when he comes close.

Whether you like the movie or not, Sascha Baron Cohen must be given A LOT of credit for his work. He is an extremely talented actor – completely transforming himself from homophobic Borat to homosexual Bruno. When it comes to fearlesness and shocking the public, few have succeded: Ozzy Osbourne, Marilyn Manson and Eminem. Well, they are so last century compared to Cohen. The three musicians were doing their shocking in a controlled environment – mostly through obscene acts on stage, explicit lyrics and controversial music videos. Sascha Baron Cohen actually goes out into the real world. Of course, he has a team of bodyguards standing by in case things go really wrong. Still, most people (myself included) would be too scared to do that.

Will I go an watch Bruno again? Certainly. I will also buy the DVD, although I will probably use the option to skip a few scenes. Will I speak like Bruno and irritate my fiancée like I did when Borat came out? Fuck no. Will I anxiously wait for Sacha Baron Cohen's new project? Hell yes.

I know I'm a bit late with this one and in future I promise to bring you reviews within a few days of when an album is released (or sometimes even earlier), but here goes:

Being a life-long (ok, not really, but he's been my favorite artist since I was 15) Marilyn Manson fan I was fucking stoked when I heard that the “High End of Low” was scheduled for release in May this year. The last record from the self-proclaimed God of Fuck (“Eat Me, Drink Me”) kinda sucked (apart from the single and the ballad) so I was hoping that Manson is finally over his divorce with Dita von Tesse and is ready to produce the nihilistic-self-loathing-slutty-electronic-hate-metal that I fell in love with eleven years ago. As usual, Manson claimed that this is going to be his best album ever. He also implicitly acknowledged that the last album was a bit gay, by saying that he's back and ready to rock and the album sounds like his best (not in my opinion) album up to date– the 1996 “Antichrist Superstar” which propelled him to pop-goth stardom.

Now that the album is out, we all know that it sounds FUCK ALL like “Antichrist Superstar”. Personally, I didn't want it to. I think that artists should evolve, not try sound like they did ten years ago. If they don't do that, they're just sad (like the Offspring). I just wanted “The High End of Low” to rock. After hearing the American-release only first song “We're from America” (to download which I had to google Jay Manuel's street address and submit it to verify that I'm a US citzen), I was pretty hopeful. The song wasn't that great, but it was certainly bitter, had brutal social-commentary and a mean industrial hook. My hopes were lifted even higher when I heard the single – the mouthful “Arma-goddam-motherfuckin-geddon”. That is a fucking great single if I ever heard one (and I heard many). Manson at his best. If you're a fan, you will love it, if you're not you won't get it. Signature death-march drum beat, combined with mean riffs and an anthem chorus. That's why I love Manson. BUT, the little voice at the back of my head kept telling me that you can't predict what a Manson album will sound like based on the single. If you don't believe me, listed to the first single of any of his albums and then the rest of the albums.

After listening to it in full, my first reaction was “eh”. Literally. Like “Eat Me, Drink Me”, “The High End of Low” also kinda sucks and I was busy debating with myself which was worse. My conclusion was that although the singles/anthems are waaaaay better on “The High End of Low”, overall the album sucks more. The reason? It lacks an overall theme even more that “Eat Me, Drink Me” did. What happened to the Manson that used to partition his albums, bringing in an overall structure that revolved around one central theme? “Antichrist Superstar”, “Mechanical Animals” and “Holy Wood (In the Shadow of the Valley of Death)” all had a protagonist, told a story, were metaphorical as hell and were FUCKING GENIUS. That is why I always considered Marilyn Manson as the only true artist (note: I'm using the term artist, not musician) in the modern music industry. His albums were true works of art, where the text added on to the music and had more literary terms and elements that Sylvia Plath and Emily Dickinson combined. Even the artwork had something hidden in it, which could help interpret the album further. The he lost it with the “Golden Age of Grotesque” and never found it again.

Is Marilyn Manson too old to rock? No, I think he's simply struggling to re-invent himself like he always used to. “The High End of Low” tries to put a few hard rock songs together with a number of beautiful ballads, an electronic-slutty-death-disco tune “WOW” and two angry anthems. It feels like Manson wanted to create a more “mature” album that was full of ballads and then just didn't/couldn't write enough good songs. So he took some B-sides, wrote an anthem and Frankensteined the whole thing together. The end result made me go “eh” for the first time ever after listening to a Manson album.

I would still recommend buying the album if you're a fan or even if you're just tired of the emo fag rock that fills the airwaves these days. “The High End of Low” has some beautiful ballads, which Manson should write more of. I don't care if he doesn't rock the way he used to – he can still write beautiful music and combine it with meaningful lyrics. Green Day is probably the best example of a band that creates amazing albums without trying to sound like they used to in the good old 1990s. Their music has evolved and matured with themselves. Not every artist can do it, but I still believe that Manson can. He still has a lot to say and I (and many others) are willing to listen. I just hope that in two year's time Manson will give an interview in which he won't allude to 1996 again but instead will say that the world should beware - his new album is nothing like it has ever heard before.

Malawi at 45: More than Madonna's Hunting Ground

Wrote an article on Malawi's independence day.

Can't get the link to work though for some reason.

See URL bellow

http://www.polity.org.za/article/malawi-at-45-more-than-madonnas-hunting-ground-2009-07-07

Obama in Moscow: A Ukrainian Expert Analyses The Prospects For Peace

Interview with me on Obama's visit to Moscow

Obama in Moscow: A Ukrainian Expert Analyses The Prospects For Peace

Sunday night TV advertising is great – first it scares you, then it fools you and finally it pisses you off.

Scare:
Two happy little kids are driving in the back of the car and singing the “Old McDonald Had a Farm” tune. I presume the song was chosen because the company could not afford copyright on anything else. For some reason the camera closes up on the of the kids' teeth. Buck teeth. Then – dam dam dam. Danger. Life line and a helicopter appear next and a woman's voice (they really didn't pick the greatest voice actor) starts asking you questions along the lines of “What if I told you that an emergency can happen at any point in time?” “What if you could pay us R99 a month and we could send a helicopter to rescue you?” “What if I told you and you didn't do anything?” Lifeline spots. Scary ER patient is dead sound.

Fools you:
Middle aged loser with a beer belly tells you that there has never been a better time to buy a car. Get a piece of crap made in South Korea for 100 grand and if you get retrenched before the end of the year we'll buy the car back at 85% of the value. Wow, what an awesome deal, drive a car for a couple of months, get fired and lose 15 grand! Hell yeah!

Pisses you off:
An office jock buys the office hottie a chicken burrito, the dumb bimbo says "I love you" (to the processed chicken, not the guy), he takes it the wrong way and I really can't continue because just thinking about it makes me want to stranle Col. Chicken.

My problem with the three ads I described above is that someone had to think of it, someone had to approve it and someone had to make it. Finally, someone had to have the guts to put that shit on tv. That's a lot of idiots. Who get paid for being idiots. Probably a lot of money. Maybe (likely) more than me. That pisses me off. Especially on a Sunday morning when I have to wake up and go to work at 05:00 am. But hey, at least I don't make crap TV ads for a living :)

In 4 days the Swiss can do what South Africans can’t in 4 weeks

So I finally got my World Cup 2010 tickets. That is, I actually got them about two months ago but only got confirmation now. Why? Crap service from ticketing service in SA. Here’s the full story:

I successfully applied for 7 games (4 group games, 2 second round and 1 quarter final). FIFA debited a substantial amount of money (R 7000) from the credit card but their website said “application paid” for the 2 second round games, the other five were listed as “application pending to pay”. I wasn’t too worried at first, as I just thought it will take them a while to process the payment for all the games. After the status didn’t change after two weeks I started getting nervous – losing 7k and not going to the quarter-final would suck big blue balls. So I decided to complain to FIFA. Their website says that there are two ticketing centres – one in Switzerland and one in SA. The latter being for local applicants, the former for everybody else. So I emailed the SA centre and explained the situation. After about a week they replied asking me to fax them the proof of payment. After doing that I waited. And waited. And waited. For about two weeks. No email. No SMS. No Fax. No Pigeon mail. No nothing. Faxed the stuff through again. Still no reply. Emailed again. No answer. Decided to call. These FUCKING ASSHOLES DO NOT PICK UP THE PHONE DURING BUSINESS HOURS. I tried calling about 10 times – on different days. So in total, I spent about 4 weeks trying to get hold of them and resolve the problem. And all I got in response was one emailed which wasn’t followed up, even though I provided all the correct info.

I got pissed off and decided to email the ticketing centre in Switzerland and complain. I honestly thought they will tell me to fuck off because they’re not supposed to deal with SA applicants. Instead, they replied within two hours and in a very polite manner requested that I scan and email them the proof of payment. After I did that they emailed me and told me that the matter has been passed on to their financial department and I should check the status on FIFA.com in a few days. That was on Monday. On Thursday morning the status was indeed changed. In 4 says they did what the SA ticket centre couldn’t do in 4 fucking weeks! Even though they technically weren’t even supposed to help me!

I’m pretty sure that I’m not the only one sitting with this problem so if you googled SA FIFA 2010 ticket problem I hope you stumbled across this page for some advice 

I’m glad that SA organized a successful Confederations Cup, but simple problems like these are not addressed we are looking at some very unhappy customers.

In the mean time I’m looking forward to the quarter final. Category 1 seats at Ellis Park – Fuck Yeah!!!

It's one day before my 26th b-day and I finally decided to create a blog. I know its not that awesome anymore since its very web 2.0 but I feel like I want to share my thoughts with the world, or at least the five users in faraway places who will randomly stumble upon this blog.